Kevin Wood
Diary of a Sociopathic Vicar

Rev. David Wilson – the sociopathic vicar, future Archbishop of Canterbury.


Arnold Horton – church warden at St James, low intelligence, useless, could be replaced by anyone -murdered by his wife, Abigail.


Abigail Horton – flower arranger, default housekeeper at the vicarage, useful, difficult to replace, suspected of having high intelligence, murderer of Arnold Horton. Becomes Rev. David Wilson’s housekeeper.


Detective Inspector Dennis Thorpe – Detective on the murder of Arnold Horton, and in sundry subsequent investigations.


Mabel Goodall - Late twenties, a little younger David WIlson, a little dim, a little too evangelical.


Smiffy – Hells Angel, deceased following head-on collision with a lorry. Buried at St James just before it burnt down.


Al – President of the local chapter of Hells Angels, former roadie for heavy metal band Uranium Death Cult.


Porker – one of the local Hells Angels.


Psycho – one of the local Hells Angels. Stabbed through the hand by David Wilson in episode 3.


Rev Robert Howey – vicar of the parish of Norley, a homeopathic vicar, freely gives unwanted advice, disliked by David Wilson.


Geoff Thompson  - former church treasurer - retired accountant, low intelligence, completely useless, could be replaced by a talented mollusc, commits suicide after being fired for embezzling the church.


Sue - secretary to the church council, grandmother, moderate intelligence, moderate competence.


June Whiting – Parish Evangelism Officer - short, with hips a yard across, in her seventies, walked with an orthopaedic stick, smelt of Parma Violets, low intelligence, low imagination.


Ms. Orslow – headteacher of a school of the parish where David Wilson served his curacy - superficially intelligent, bureaucratic, teaches all children the same way while claiming they’re unique. Ineffective.


Marina and Mike - parents of Lucy and Jessica, from the parish of David’s curacy. Lucy is a few years older than Jessica. David visited Jessica every day for a month while she was on the neo-natal ward. Marina and Mike think David is wonderful, although they are not a church family.


Adrian Nelson – journalist from the local paper where David served his curacy. David helped him through a difficult bereavement.


Jonathan Gold – editor of the local paper where David served his curacy, Adrian Nelson’s boss.


“Sons of Jesus Lemurian” – a secret organisation within the Diocese, that believes, “That Jesus was descended from a race of sorcerers that once ruled the ancient continent of Lemuria, which is how he was able to perform his miracles. By performing certain rituals they’ve discovered, they’ll be able to bring the Church to greatness once more and rise to positions of power.”


Rev. Graham Walters – works for the Diocesan finance office. One of the “Sons of Jesus Lemurian”.

Rev. Canon Torbut Smythe – Rural Dean (deceased). One of the “Sons of Jesus Lemurian”. Murdered by Abigail Horton after visiting the church. Discovered with his head and upper body crushed by falling masonry in the remains of the old church. His trousers were around his ankles, causing some consternation.


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